Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
