I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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