if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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