I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
