pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
