I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
