Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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