There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
