There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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