He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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