pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
bring money and cleavage
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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