found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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