At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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