Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
