I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
