Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
