I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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