if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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