I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
