I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
