the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
