smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
why is half of my head shaved?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
