btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
