you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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