You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
