Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
