We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
