It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
