I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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