I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
