My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
