so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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