We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
