That's when you crack a 10am beer
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
