Are we in a gay sports bar?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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