glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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