She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
