I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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