OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
