:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
two words: eviction party
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
