I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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