please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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