Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
