I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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