u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
