The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
