After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
