She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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