Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
