i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
