i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He better not be in your backpack
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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