Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
