I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
