DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
