I faked an abortion last night.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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