Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
