She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
