last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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