Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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