I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
