And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
