Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
