I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
