Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
