can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
