hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
