Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
