Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
