i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
