he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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