I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
