It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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