You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
