My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
