We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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