the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
