We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
