Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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