shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
