You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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