She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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