I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
