that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
