the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Randomize
