I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
